Hi Siham--
Nice to meet you! This poem has so much to offer and was a pleasure to read and re-read, each time yielding more happy surprises. The richness of description of various musical affects was stunning. Thank you so much for sharing it.
As to the meter, the current revision scanned easily for me all the way through and I never felt any sense of hesitance. (Tiny nit: I suppose you could replace "finally" in the next to last line with "at last" to prevent the awkward need give to sound all three syllables in "finally"). The easy rhythm, of course, supports the overall musical themes you have employed. And while there is no consistent end-rhyme, the persistent ending echoes (e.g., dune, through, blue, deux) produced a lovely impact. So on the sound front, this is a bravura performance.
On the sense front, I confess to some confusion. This confusion is grounded, first, in the title "Elegy to my Heart". I think by invoking the elegy form, your poem led me to believe there might be some sort of narrative forthcoming, in which I'd be finding out about the reason for elegy. In this, I was disappointed. I do not, at the completion of reading, find that I've made much headway in understanding this as an elegy. The only possible elegiac meaning I could parse was that the poem's speaker has a (possibly fatal?) heart condition ("I know you dying"). Of course, the near total absence of punctuation gives away--as the reading progresses--that the poem will be quite withholding on the narrative front. Rather, it is pure lyric energy, piling sumptuous musical descriptions one on top of the other all the way through to the final period, which, actually, I think you might consider deleting, as though the music was ongoing...
Indeed, I never really perceived an elegiac tone at all (apart from the words "dying" in stanza 1 and "pain" and "aches" in the final two stanzas). Many of the lines, for me, supported an enlivening and uplifting tone instead. In particular, I'm struck by the first three lines (of the revised poem) which are my favorite lines of the poem and which I felt set me on a path to delight (not sadness).
Finally, I found the first three lines of the third stanza stood out as breaking the spell of the poem--a bit of a disturbing clatter. Where most of the poem is taking me on a tour of the music of the natural world (waterfalls, dunes, mountains, tidal flows), it felt quite jarring getting that very concrete image of old Walter Cronkite's face right in the middle.
I guess, in summary, I would say this. If it's an elegy, for reals, I might need a bit more hint of narrative to join in the lament. If it's a celebration of music through natural metaphor, then, bravo!, but there are a few things that foil me in that interpretation.
I hope some (any?) of that is helpful to you. Really enjoyed reading this!
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