I've read through this a few times now, and I don't know if these comments will help as you know more about the form than I do.
When I read through them they come across like eccentric fiction to me. And when framed this way, as unusual fiction, they work well to my eye.
For whatever reason, when I hear the word
poetry attached to anything I'm expecting some poetic flourishes, maybe some deviation, and general playfulness with the language. I don't read as much of that here as in your past stuff, which is maybe exactly what you intend.
Overall it's hard to know what you're intending, or where you want to take these two pieces of writing, so it's equally difficult to give you concrete suggestions. Maybe if your hope is to be poetic, add more of that, if your hope is to convey a narrative, keep leaning into that instead.
Beyond that I'll highlight a few pieces of syntax that threw me. Apologies that I haven't added comments for them, they're just the grammar / word choice / positioning etc that gave me a jolt.
Quote:
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The day before he left, soon after a breakfast of walnuts, he returned from the well with a heavy bucket of fresh water hanging from his hand and stopped to lean against the old house’s brown-board wall. He knew no spirit would come that day, that nothing is ever provided an exile. The day before when this house burned down the flame fired between his feet and raced across the dirt. In moments the ashes piled waist high and the last of the smoke dragged through the dry air. The house was gone and he ran across the empty brown fields, excitement flying past his wind-chapped face. Now, leaning against the house, he thought of wrapping himself in blankets and walking to the fjord hidden deep beyond the distant woods lining the horizon. Go to where the dark water lies heavy under the different colors of the sky. When he climbs into the canoe and pushes away to row up the black water rabbits will scurry away up the rocky bank and crows will squawk warnings. Bears will wake and watch as he moves past. He will not respond to their notices and will become aware spirits come easier on deep water and will stay long after the trip’s end tries to send them away.
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