Ok, a little more while I’m at it: I didn’t understand “the torch that would arouse me” until I peeked at the crib. I thought the torch might be arousing him from sleep. I’m a legendary misreader, of course, but keep in mind the potential ambiguity. Also in S1, “fire that can devour” and threatens to surround is more tentative than fire that does devour and does surround. And an “idea trying to drown me” seems a little far removed from “pain for an idea,” though it does tie in with the shipwreck. These are all things you could consider if you play with the line lengths. I think I’m running a fever, so I hope I’m not subjecting you to feverish ravings …
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