Matt, I like the final pun, and I enjoyed the hypothetical buildup to it. My one reservation is a metrical one with L8. I hear "My VOICE would fly UP with each SAcred WORD." I like variation in meter, but I don't like ambiguity. It occurred to me that something like "My voice ascending with each sacred word" would be less ambiguous. It was my one stumble in reading the poem. I like the repetitions of "I'd kneel" and "I'd say." They make the poem more songlike. I followed the reason for your shift to present tense.
Susan
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