Quote:
Originally Posted by Carl Copeland
What I Wouldn’t Do for Love
I had to wait, but I’m the kind for love
and knew that I was meant to find your love.
If love is in my stars, their light alone
will grow the rose. Why risk my pride for love?
Leaving a film (three hankies), there you’ll be.
Who else would be as bleary-eyed for love?
Till then, I’ll keep the garden under key
and wait—our secret safe inside—for love.
A shooting star risks all to have the earth,
but in my youth how many died for love?
The moon gives every lumen of itself
to find one window open wide for love,
and silver fingers stroke the dreaming form
of one with mourning on his mind—or love.
What did I almost ask for in his dream,
he wondered. What if I’d replied, “Your love”?
My heart, a heavy fruit that craves a tongue
to taste it, never shed its rind for love.
It’s late, old man, but tell the faint of heart:
you’d risk the world to lie beside your love.
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I like the poem unequivocally. You've arranged the poem around a gimmick (perhaps there is a better word, technique?), but that is okay as I approve of gimmicks in poetry if they work.
I especially like this image:
The moon gives every lumen of itself
to find one window open wide for love,
... the moon looking for open windows! That's great.
Now, having said this, I'll need to dwell on the poem before I have any more specific thoughts, as I absorb new poems slowly and need to "know" them like a friend before I see the flaws.
Oh, is it okay for me to memorialize the first draft by quoting it, or is that somehow bad form? I don't want to fill up the server.