What a treat, Bob! Makes me think I should be reading Borges.
I had trouble scanning L2. I guess you want me to drop a syllable at the caesura and promote “I”—both reasonable requests, except that it’s so easy to read “I have not” as an anapest.
“Art that weaves” should really be “art, which weaves.” The restrictive “that” suggests that he gave his life to specific kinds of art that weave together trifles, but perhaps not to other kinds that don’t.
I wondered why you preferred “it will not stray from me” to the more literal “it won’t abandon me.” Did you decide the latter sounded as if the shame was doing him a favor by staying with him? You could be right.
These are minor points, and I love both the translation and the poem. Thanks for this gift!
|