Ok, great. A few more thoughts:
this gray landscape like a circling ocean,
An ocean is a big thing to add in translation, but it works pretty well as a last resort, I think.
this grief for just one single notion,
“This sorrow for a single notion” would be pretty, but you have to decide what best conveys the original.
these anguished skies, this world, these hours,
I thought “anguished” modified skies, world and hours. That’s why I suggested something like “these anguished skies and world and hours.”
these tears of blood obscenely gild
the unplucked lyre, the torch, profane;
this crush of waves inflicts such pain;
this scorpion’s taint my heart has filled.
You’re right. I am turned off by the inversion, and I don’t know how tears of blood could turn anything gold anyway. With “obscenely,” you seem to have taken the lustiness from the torch and given it to the tears of blood, which is also a little dubious.
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