[Jayne Osborn]

Hi David,

Your poem reminds me of David Anthony's wonderful triolet "Mother's Day", in which he laments the passing of his mother in a similar way to "but I can't ask her now."

I like Matt's suggestion of a full stop before that final statement, to give the maximum impact to those words.

I'm not too keen on the inversion of "a place obscure", but "an obscure place" puts the emphasis on the first syllable - obscure, rather than obscure. Is that the reason you wrote it the way you did? I think you could improve that line... should you wish to, of course, but otherwise just ignore me!

Jayne