Hi Glenn,
Finally back for the sestet. I think my main issue is this line:
They’re wreaths of love, for the hurt, a cot,
it strikes me as awkwardly phrased. Why not just reverse it:
They’re wreaths of love, a bed for the hurt,
which seems more natural to me, and rhyme-wise, I'd say you're still fine. You get hurt/heart/fraught, which seems to work just as well as cot/heart/fraught -- better, even.
A possible downside of "hurt" is that it can mean both "wound" and "wounded". So, the hurt as "the pain", and the hurt as "the wounded", and the original has only the latter sense (or the crib does anyway). But I don't know that is that much of a problem. And reordered as above, I think the latter sense maybe comes across stronger.
best,
Matt
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