A few more thoughts:
“Be tortured, stressed musician,” may still need some work. For one thing, “being stressed” sounds too today to me, though I could be wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Wright
when I read the poem aloud in Russian, it sounded almost ballad-like. I accented the last syllables of the odd-numbered lines (холода, золото, and the adjective endings), which are under secondary stress, so with a little massaging I got something like alternating tetrameter and trimeter.
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I also got a ballad feel from the poem, so I think that’s a reasonable way of approaching it in translation, though a Russian would never stress those final syllables.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Wright
I thought the bit about M’s “star hating” was very interesting. It explains the sinister personification of the star as a femme fatale, wielding a hat pin (or stiletto) as a concealed weapon and the cruelty of the golden stars dancing in S1.
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Yeah, M’s stars tend to be piercing and painful and controlling. The only problem with that
femme fatale image—and I only just noticed this—is that M’s star doesn’t wield anything; the star itself is imagined as dropping into his heart “like a hat pin/stiletto.”