[Julie Steiner]

Salvador Rueda (Spain, 1857-1933)


DRAFT FOUR (with green, purple, and blue tweaks)

The Watermelon

As if, with an intense and sudden flash,
the dawn itself had broken through its peel —
released, then widened by the shining steel —
the watermelon flaunted its red flesh.

The glistening within that oblong slash
resembled, in its glowing cochineal,
that fiery mouth whose spurts of joy reveal
a simmering ebullience, wildly fresh.

Slice after slice — brought expertly to life
when parted by the pen-strokes of the knife —
maintained the ruse no slices had been made.

Then the hand unfurled them, without warning,
and, taken by surprise, one saw adorning
the dish a ring of red half-moons displayed.


L5 was:
     The glistening of that dazzling, oblong slash
L8 was:
     the ebullience within it, wildly fresh.
Before that L8 was:
     ebullience whose simmer's wildly fresh.
LL9–11 were:
     Slice after slice — adroitly brought to life
     by strokes of the dividing, staining knife —
     kept the illusion not a slice was made.
Before that, LL9–11 were:
     Slice after slice the ink-strokes of the knife
     skillfully divided into life,
     within the illusion not a slice was made.
Before that, LL9–11 were:
     Slice by slice, the nimbly flourished knife
     went on dividing, while it brought to life
     the illusion not a single slice was made.


DRAFT THREE

Same as Draft Four, except for the following changes:

L5 was:
     The glistening of that oblong, dazzling slash
LL7–8 were:
     that fiery mouth whose bursts of joy reveal
     the ebullience of lava, wildly fresh.
Before that, L8 was:
     ebullience of lava, wild and fresh.


DRAFT TWO

Watermelon

As if, with an intense and sudden flash,
the dawn itself had broken through its peel —
released, then widened by the shining steel —
the watermelon flaunted its red flesh.

The glistening of that long and dazzling slash
resembled, in its glowing cochineal,
that fiery mouth whose bursts of joy reveal
fresh lava, bubbling, ready to unleash.

Slice by slice, the nimbly flourished knife
went separating, while it brought to life
the illusion not a single slice was made.

These the hand unfurled then, with no warning,
and, taken by surprise, one saw adorning
the dish a ring of red half-moons displayed.


DRAFT ONE

Same as Draft Two, except for the following changes:
LL8–10 were:
     what’s freshly-boiled and ready to unleash.
     Slice by slice, the subtly-wielded knife
     that made dividing gestures brought to life
Later, L10 was:
     went dividing, while it brought to life
LL12–13 were:
     The hand pushed these apart, then, without warning,
     and unexpectedly one saw adorning


ORIGINAL SPANISH
LITERAL ENGLISH PROSE CRIB

La sandía
The Watermelon

Cual si de pronto se entreabriera el día
despidiendo una intensa llamarada,
por el acero fúlgido rasgada
mostró su carne roja la sandía.

As if suddenly the day (dawn) were cracked half-open
releasing an intense flash,
widened by the shining steel,
the watermelon showed its red flesh.

Carmín incandescente parecía
la larga y deslumbrante cuchillada,
como boca encendida y desatada
en frescos borbotones de alegría.

Red-hot carmine/cochineal, seemed
the long and dazzling slash,
like (a) mouth, ignited and unleashed [Edited to say that that's too literal: "fiery and uncontrolled" would is better.]
in fresh bubblings of joy.

Tajada tras tajada, señalando
las fue el hábil cuchillo separando,
vivas a la ilusión como ningunas.

Slice after slice, gesturing
[Edited to add "marking / them" as a possible definition of "señalando / las," if one assumes a hyphen after "señalando"]
went the skilled knife separating them,
(while they were) alive to the illusion that there were none (of them).
[Edited to add another possibility: "(while they were) alive to the illusion like no others."]

Las separó la mano de repente,
y de improviso decoró la fuente
un círculo de rojas medias lunas.

The hand separated them suddenly,
and unexpectedly, decorating the platter
was a circle of red half-moons.