Just to clarify, I am not applying a context independent rule that says "inversions are bad, don't do inversions", but I am not convinced by the sentence structure in this particular 14 liner. I might flick through some Norton anthologies, but I cannot remember any time period that has to work so hard to get the rhyme at the end of the line inside a sonnet. By the way, I am pegging this as 1950-60s vintage, going back further starts to become anachronistic in a way that doesn't really work for me. Wait, maybe 1920s? I have will have to go read some poems to be sure. It sounds old, but it shouldn't sound that old.
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