Rick, I regret making you explain things against your nature, but the changes you’ve made really do help me see Tattoo Man as a victim of prejudice. (I once saw a man with a huge erect penis tattooed on his face, and I’d rather not have to look at him while I’m eating, but I wouldn’t call the police.) You need a “c” in “Mack’rel,” which I rather like, though I can’t make much of “prodigal lodger.”
That may be enough, but if greater clarity is needed, you could borrow space from “doling infinite cowboy,” which you explained as “rolling with a kind of wannabeatŪ Sapphics.” I’m not sure what the phrase or the explanation means, but it sounds as though the specific words aren’t as important as the rhythm. For some reason, I hear S3L4 ending with the word “outsider.” Too straightforward, I suppose.
Anyway, I love these imitation classical meters, and I seriously admire your hip treatment of Sapphics. If I ever attempt it, this poem will be a big influence on me.
Last edited by Carl Copeland; 06-27-2024 at 03:47 PM.
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