Thread: a sea sonnet
View Single Post
  #3  
Unread 07-04-2024, 02:40 PM
Carl Copeland Carl Copeland is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2022
Location: St. Petersburg, Russia
Posts: 2,059
Default

Another gloriously lilting poem, Cally!

My favorite bit is “How water understands the need to part. Other laws apply”—“simple and solid,” as Rick says, and yet so odd and beautiful.

Least persuasive for me is “believing he is loved.” I doubt that animals believe anything about themselves, so the personification seemed contrived.

I suppose the horses are the islands themselves, seeming to bolt towards the swimmer as she approaches (Hippolyte meaning “releaser of horses”).

I didn’t know “whelm” could be a noun, but I see that it can be used poetically for a surge of water.

I think I disagree with Rick about the tense of the last line. It’s an exalted experience—like seeing God face to face—and might be cheapened if readers shared it in the present. Note that the line is also metrically ambiguous, since “I have met” could easily be an anapest. A word like “and” at the beginning would fix that if it’s a concern.

Keep singing, Cally!
Reply With Quote