Hi, Cally,
Good to read you here. I'm enjoying this poem. Just a couple of thoughts to take or leave:
I'm a lover of slant rhymes and creative takes on rhyming but struggle with mouthed/loved. I wonder if this would be any different, however, if I were from your part of the world. And perhaps it sets the stage for the radical bolted/altered.
Also I wondered if it might feel fresher to actively show how it unfolds and feels to lose the land were the currents pull someone out rather than piling up the passive theoreticals. The abstract "other laws apply" might be better followed up by action?
I love the horses.
I've been to an ocean a handful of times but have never properly swum in one. Your poem is a fine experience.
Thanks for this!
Deborah
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