[Carl Copeland]

Thanks, Glenn!

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

I like your handling of the rhyme, using strict rhyme for the even-numbered lines and looser, slantier rhymes for most of the odd-numbered lines.

Yeah, feminine rhymes are scarcer in English than in Russian and French, so when I try to preserve the alternation, it helps to give them more slack.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

I noticed that Zenkevich uses ABAB rhymes, as you do, except in lines 13-16, where he uses ABBA. These lines correspond to the words “spoken” (telepathically, apparently) by the girl (whose existence I could not help but doubt with all the hazy shadow and ghostly moon dust).

I found it easier to ignore that variation in the rhyme scheme, but I hadn’t really thought of it as setting off the words of his companion. That’s a nice observation. I personally don’t doubt her existence, though I can see why you would.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

Line 11, Такая нежная, простая, reminded me of the phrase from Pushkin’s “Я вас любил:”
. . .так искренно, так нежно. . .
I wondered if you thought this was a deliberate echo. The situation, in which a girl promised to another is deflecting a proposal by a man who loves her, revealing her own regret, struck me as similar, too.

Pushkin is always everywhere in Russian poetry, so this seems convincing.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

The reference to “wormwood” puzzled me. Is wormwood a common plant in the Russian steppes? It grows in the Alaskan tundra, but is not really common. I did a bit of research and discovered that wormwood is used in absinthe, which may contribute to the hallucinatory feeling. Its scientific name is Artemisia, from Artemis, the goddess of the moon.

Thanks especially for this nit. I didn’t do enough homework on wormwood. The Russian “полынь” is translated variously as “mugwort,” “wormwood” and “sagebrush”—all species of Artemisia. “Sagebrush” is specifically American, but “mugwort” seems to be a much broader term than “wormwood,” so it’s probably the word I should be using. Is mugwort familiar to you?

The moon reference you found in Artemisia is fascinating, though I don’t know how much of a botanist Zenkevich was. BTW, Wikipedia tells me that “‘vermouth’ is the French pronunciation of the German word Wermut for wormwood that has been used as an ingredient in the drink over its history.” The online dictionary I use suggests “vermouth steppe,” but that’s surely a confusion.