Hi WT,
I often get the feeling that the extended myth conceit has a prophylactic effect on a poem. I worried by the end of the second stanza here, but you turn the whole out nicely, using the myth to very good effect.
I want back all the time I spent trying to like:
which you still allow
to drown you in.
It's so awkwardly ungrammatical that I don't think it's possible to land any kind of special effect with it.
And the "brave- / er" break seems to me a spoof on rhyming (or slant rhyming) that might work in a humorous poem. I think you can just go with the unbroken braver at the end of that line, because, yes, you hear the slant rhyme. It's no joke.
I love the ending.
I know Josh and have discussed drinking and God with him. We don't always agree, but I really like him and he's a very good poet. Yours is an interesting poem other than for the minor personal taste nits mentioned.
Rick
|