Thread: prose poem
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Unread 07-25-2024, 09:36 AM
John Riley John Riley is offline
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Location: North Carolina
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I like the idea here. A desired metamorphosis is understandable to many people. “Back went her arms like wings, like gunwales” is vivid and strange.

It still could use a little edit, imo. The “easiest thing in the world,” could be fresher. I think we’ve all heard that expression many times. It’s also a good place to say something a little more telling about why it’s easy, why she’s doing it.

Also she “slides into the river, then under it.” If she “slide onto the river, then under it” we’d better catch a glance of her. Also you have her go “down into the river” again.

As I said, I like it. There are a couple of things I’d look at if I’d written it and hope the suggestions help.
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