Mark, I think it is gorgeous. There are just a couple of spots where the syntax seems to me to demand a stronger punctuation than a comma: the ends of lines S2L1 and S3L3. But perhaps British conventions of punctuation differ from American ones in those cases. For me, the lack of stronger punctuation confused me about the meaning of the lines, which I had to reread to understand. I like your handling of the anapestic meter. It benefits from variation.
Susan
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