Thank you Rick, Carl, Nemo, John, and Nick.
Nick: I am not sure we are in accord that the poem isn't atmospheric. You want a more studiedly nocturnal disposition? (We cannot all be Trakl.) Night is a sensation for me, a thickness: and I must think whether your words indicate that I should bring that sensation into the poem more fully. As John says: it may need more space: another stanza.
Rick: I talked with several other people. I think the main problem with the phrase is not quite "in" per sé: but rather the muddled grammatical relation of subject and object: who is passive, who is behind the action: addressee or city. I think a better phrase is lurking behind this one: and I will wait to let it come out.
John and Nemo: these are wonderful critiques. Thank you so very much! John: i did not mean the Bacchae to be a comment on wider American politics: the "presidents" were a passing reference pulled into the poem's forcefield: and briefly held, I'm not quite pleased with them: I think again there is something better. I may have posted this too early. — Or maybe not. It needs to grow a little: and that will take time.
Nemo: you are breathtakingly eloquent. Yes to all you say: I RELATE. The poem needs work: but for now while I let it grow, I will leave it like this.
Carl: I meant your attempted mapping of my "You are the mask" realm.
Thank you again, all!
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