Cameron,
So I have been thinking about closure since your last poem in the Deep End. Now relative to my own preferences, the final line has to unwind quickly enough to create the resonance with what has gone before. I think the grammar of "are but* the lives their stares confide in glass." just stumbles too much over itself to create what I would consider a satisfying close. Similary, I thought that "as what night builds annihilates by day" which reminded me of Cally's "as the sun does to the dew" almost trips over itself also.
Ghazals to me are just utter cold bare tests of phrasing.
|