I love this Cameron, and the last two shers I think are phenomenal. It very distantly reminds me of Wings of Desire—some moments anyway. It is haunting and I’m very taken with this. And I really like much of the language in the poem, esp “when day goes off”— there is a casual depth to that that I admire. A way of putting things that’s both natural and unique. The only place I tripped was “coil & hide of glass.” It’s interesting, and I want to like it, and get it, but having trouble wrapping my head around that one. Probably it’s me.
I’m a pretty big fan of the ghazal, and it appears much of the board is as well, though I don’t really feel qualified to comment on form requirements. It’s such a great poem and I wish there were a way to bridge that gap, if that’s important to you. Obviously if there were some way to justify such a departure in form... The only thing that came to mind—and probably it’s rubbish—is perhaps give some sort of nod to that in the last sher—instead of a signature. It seems to me that in this poem there is a kind of communion that is denied, there is an isolation present thematically, even though the shers are connected and telling a kind of story. Fwiw.
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