I am still working on the fix pointed out by Mark, but pending that ...
Thanks Glenn. Glad you liked it.
And the same goes for you, Susan. I could have used the quotation marks, but they sometimes seem to take the reader out of the poem, I think, as a visual distraction. But maybe I should use them.
The metre does ebb and flow, doesn't it? I quite like that, but it could be getting to be a bad habit with me.
But you're right, it would be better to capitalise Pilgrim. (The allusion you refer to is actually pretty much a straightforward lift from PP ... "So he passed over, and all the trumpets sounded for him on the other side.")
Thanks Carl. Yes, check it out ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bw5h-WPYBQ#ddg-play (Private passions are often not transferable. You may wonder what I'm making such a fuss about. These are personal things.)
I hear what you say about the last two lines, Joe. I wondered about them myself. I think they might be a wry recognition of what music can do to you, even though you know (or one knows) that perhaps it shouldn't. And I think I like them.
S2 definitely needs some fiddling with. (Another musical reference there, I see).
Cheers all - I know I have more to do on this, in S2 at least.
David