Hey Ralph—Like others, I really enjoyed this. It’s good. I love that “Magic” here is being someone else. One reason that I think this is poignant is because I took this as him escaping his situation in some small way (clearly he knows his situation, but, still…). And combine that with Magic Johnson’s positive energy, the glow of his personality etc.—the contrast between that and this homeless man’s reality. You know, wow. And this has the feel of being real. Whether this really happened or not doesn’t matter, but you have me convinced that it did happen. And that does matter. Anyway, I think the poem has significant impact.
I do have a semi-significant nit, however, for what it’s worth. I’m wondering if the close could be more interesting. I don’t mind the half full/empty cup thing hanging around a little in the poem. In fact, I think what you have is great until that very last line. I guess I just wouldn’t lean on it so heavily there OR (preferably) do something more with that image. Something that makes it a bit more unique? I do love that you use a basketball gesture (with the sun and the cup) in that last stanza. (And that you start with your coin clearing the rim.) Also, I can’t help but want “the” setting sun in the first stanza. Perhaps “a” shadow as well. But, as I mentioned above, I think this is very strong work.
|