I think the last five lines alone would be a lovely poem. I can't say I dislike the opening strophe (it reads well), but it strikes me as relatively heavy-handed and abstract, and it relies quite heavily on the over-familiar trope of death being dark and black, etc. The last five lines, to me, seem relatively fresh and original, and would be a mini-poem almost like an Asian figure.
Either way, I can't really see how the title suits the poem.
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