Ralph,
I know very little about this area of California, and even less about basketball, but Magic Johnson's face has moved beyond the borders of his sport and country, so I (literally) get the picture!
Your portrait-poem really drew me in. I read James's comments, and agree with everything he says. I think it needs a 'the' before "setting sun", and the last line feels a bit flat. I see you're moving from "half-empty" at the start to "more than half full". I don't mind the neatness of circling back for the conclusion. And the image is fine. It's the language. Perhaps it needs more bounce! Anyway --- James has said all this. I just wanted to let you know that I feel the same.
Oh, I did also wonder about "tall silent women". It might be worth playing around with another two adjectives to see if she comes to life quicker at that point. I don't really get much from tall and silent.
Other than that, I really enjoyed the whole scene, and the characters you've drawn so well.
Cally
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