Hi, Jan—
I like this poem a lot. Your personal style tends to be philosophical with lots of abstract nouns (like “insentience” and “equanimity”) that can be off-putting, but in this poem you include some fine allusions and images that add life and resonance.
S1 refers to the giving of the Commandments to Moses, whom you portray with some humor as God’s dummy. I really like “ventriloquisted.”
S2 seems to refer to your childhood experience in a Catholic or Orthodox faith tradition, rich in ritual and incense.
S3 & S4 recount your crisis of faith. Your belief still burned dimly as embers.
S5 refers, I think, to Pascal’s wager, to your decision not to abandon your faith, and to making peace with a level of uncertainty.
Metrically, I had some trouble with a few lines: S2L1, S3L1, for example. I felt the IP throughout, but those two lines made me stumble. I really liked how you increase the rhyme density in successive stanzas. S1 , S2, & S3 only rhyme lines 3 & 5. S4 and S5 rhyme lines 2 & 4 and lines 3 & 5. This suggests an increase in your confidence and acceptance of your “flickering” faith.
In all, a very personal autobiography in an impersonal style. I enjoyed it and found it moving.
Glenn
Last edited by Glenn Wright; 10-07-2024 at 03:08 AM.
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