Hi JB, hi Cally, hi John and hi again Matt. Thanks so much for reading and commenting on the poem. I'm glad you've found things to like in it, and all in all you've been much too kind. Thank you again.
I can see the Bruegel -- the town in my mind has the
same dark muddiness and jumble to it.
Thanks for coming back to the piece, Matt. I suppose 'lens' may have been too strong a word -- but the poem, as it began, was certainly riffing off the legend. In older drafts the poem began earlier, with a kind of census-taker-character merged with PP coming to take stock -- but I preferred to start in media res in the end, and thought this one of those times where less finnicky information might be better.
Anyway, the poem probably wants to do its own thing at this point. If it's successful without that framework, then all the better. I do wonder if more of a helping hand might be in order somewhere, but I'll have to let it sit for a bit before re-assessing.
Many thanks again, all of you.