James, I haven't been around consistently and missed commenting on this. The revision is an improvement. I like this for what it is. How it uses what he can't understand/do with the physical world as a motif for what he can't quite do in life and relationships.
As I read it I do wonder what it'd be like if it was more stripped of the direct communication. If it wasn't directed toward a single individual. If the emotional frustration, the inability to reach the emotional connection, was about the world.
I may be way off the ship here. It's merely something that occurred to me while reading and it is a workshop.
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