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Revision posted. I’m very happy with it.
I kept burrowing deeper with each revision — Something I’ve been told is the heart of revision by many here each time I post a poem. The newest version is nothing like the original.
Cally, Thanks for your words of encouragement. I made many changes with your comments in mind.
John, I cringed at your assessment. (I'll pm you)
Christine, I’ve never actually mined for gold or diamonds, but sometimes I think finding inspiration and writing poetry that is lasting is like what mining for gold or diamonds must be like. I’m a prospector! A panner on my knees at the river! A miner with a flashlight on my head!
The the typo is long gone : )
Paula, Your haibun provided the catalyst for this. The inspiration grew from the events surrounding my brother-in-law's death recently, but your haibun is what gave it a vehicle. Thanks for that. Since the original I’ve veered back and forth, in and out of this being a haibun. As I did some research into what makes a haibun a haibun I realized that the prose poem part is not in keeping with the “in the moment” feel that I think a haibun should have. Matt also pointed out that the haikus may not conform enough to the form to be considered haikus. So for now I'm releasing it from the haibun form : )
The sad reality is, I will soon bury this like a bone and never see it again. All my poems I consider to be cut flowers, destined to disappear without a trace. (I promise It's not as gloomy a thought as that may sound!) But for today at least it is a great feeling to have stayed with this and made the revisions it was needing with some help here.
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