VERSE TRANSLATION — DRAFT TWO
The Three Wise Kings
Rubén Darío (Nicaragua, 1867 – 1916)
“I’m Caspar. Here, I’m bringing frankincense.
I come to say: Life’s pure — its beauties, fine.
God exists. Love’s magnitude’s immense.
All this I know because the Star’s divine!”
I'm Caspar, and I've brought you frankinsense.
I've come to say: life's beautiful and pure.
There is a God, and God's love is immense.
The Holy Star confirms this truth for sure.
“I’m Melchior. My myrrh is all-perfuming.
God exists. The light of day is He.
The lily keeps its feet in mud while blooming
[.]
white. And in delight, some gloom must be!”
This line, especially in the Spanish, reminds me of Keats's "in the very temple of delight, veiled melancholy has her sovereign shrine". I wonder if Dario had read Keats? ...
“I’m Balthasar. I’m bringing gold. Be sure
This sounds like advice to someone that they should make sure it's true. In fact, he is assuring us that it's true, not telling us to find out if it's true.
that God exists. It’s He, with strength and depth.
All this I know because that light-orb’s pure,
Maybe just "because the light is pure"?
while shining in the diadem of Death.”
“Hark! Caspar, Melchior, and Balthasar,
I'd stick with "hush" or some equivalent. I don't think you can dispense with it just because you suspect Dario was just trying to set up a fancy rhyme.
love bids you join its triumph over strife.
You've added "over strife", which is okay if necessary, but still strikes me as an intrusion.
From chaos, Christ’s creating light once more!
He comes again — and bears the crown of Life!”