[Matt Q]

Joe, Jim, James, John and Jarl (ahem, sorry -- Carl!)

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this. Looks like it’s not working yet. I've posted a revision, which hopefully addresses some of your concerns, and likely raises more.

It’s probable that too much of this poem is happening in my head, definitely wouldn’t be the first time.

There exists a narrative around the heart and spiritual/personal growth/transcendence -- that the heart grows, is transformed. So that’s part of the context here. Except the N is experiencing a very different kind of transformation. At the same time, as John suggests, I'm also thinking of ageing/disease/decay of the physical body/heart. A general disillusionment.

In the revision, I’ve got rid of the Frost echo that Jim and Carl spotted. I liked the sound of that phrasing and what it seems to be doing rhetorically, but I can see that it's not really working for most of you.

Carl, Joe and John

With the throne, I was thinking it's where the N once sat, or thought he sat, or maybe once aspired to ascend to, as ego, as king/ruler/owner, surveying/celebrating/admiring the grandness of his heart (and perhaps also his health, and seeming immortality). However, this seat, this position, is no longer tenable. Writing that, I now realise I’ve probably not done nearly enough to hint at this. There may be alternatives to a throne that would do similar work, but I've yet to find one. I thought about “armchair”, but they tend not to wooden, or at least, the comfy ones don’t.

It could be that seat the idea is too complicated – or is confused and doesn’t really work (and "heartwood" maybe isn't helping here) – and I should make this about the heart itself being revealed as not golden. Or I need to set things up more, somehow. I'll keep thinking.

James

I changed “flaking” to “falling”, though I still quite like the original. Peeling and flaking are different, I think. And sonically, I think “falling” works less well, though it probably adds more to the image.

I tried changing the last line. It did does seem important to the poem (as it works in head, anyway) that there is still transformation taking place even in decay, even if it isn’t of the grander kind, and that maybe this transformation might even be seen as valuable.

Joe and James,

I'd intended the double read on "betrays". There is a revealing of something hidden, something not being what it seems. And this is a betrayal of the illusion/beliefs that the N holds. Useful to know you're both not sure of it. It is a bit abstract, I guess. For now, I've gone with "chews on precious metal claims", though I'm not sure I want the woodworm engaged in reflection.

"erstaz" has become "flatpack". Not sure if that’ll stay, but I reckon it's doing more work than ersatz was. Did also wonder about "threadbare", though not sure if that works with a throne.

Carl,

I hadn't spotted the double read on "nothing holy", but you were right in thinking that I’d like it!

Thanks again everyone.

Matt