James I think the best part of the poem with the tightest language is in these lines:
Call it a name.
Call it lion.
Make it speak
a language it abhors
like French,
the tiger making preference
for consonants that clip
each grey ending
from its flight.
The sounds of clipping consonants is great. But each line is so tight. I like how you are using the breaks and overall path of the language. However, it almost feels as though the desire to make meaning clear overtakes the first part of the poem in a way that sacrifices language. I think the strength of the poem is in the kind of tight, more subtle tone/ narration of the lines I quoted. I hope that makes some sense to you.
I think your use of image and great line breaks will take you farther than trying to tell us more.
Cheers
Barbara
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