.
Sometimes first impressions make a lasting impression. I've only read this one time and my reaction is that I am left to wonder what the relationship is between the N and "her". The N doesn't seem, on first read, to have much of an emotional connection to her, though I guess you could say it's inferred by the metaphorical language. (The N may be numb with feeling.)The N must be someone who is close to her, but I don't get that sense much. There is a kind of "reportage" feel to the whole.
This is clearly about a woman who has undergone a mastectomy. The person who has just had a mastectomy is only referred to as "her". I don't get any indication that it is a trans person.
In terms of time, it is obviously post-op, but my sense is it's not the day or the week after. She is home and in a period of recovery. Perhaps a different title would help the reader to frame the time more accurately.
The second couplet has a plural/singular confusion to it. Instead of "a morning when..." would it be clearer if it read, "mornings when..."
I did note the full stops to end almost every line. Only the third couplet is a full sentence, which makes me wonder about the cap to begin L2 of that couplet. The rest are two sentences.
However, this line: "The rich soil under the roots, dark as a night's peace" somehow feels like an incomplete sentence. It got me to thinking if this poem might be better off with no punctuation at all. Hmm...
The fact that two women have responded favorably to the poem allays any doubts I have that the poem does not pass the "authenticity" test.
There are images that I like very much, but overall I'm still struggling with this one. Maybe my first impression needs a second impression : )
.
|