Hi James,
I wonder if the form here is working against the poem. The short lines make it (for me, anyway) harder to follow the poem, which is already not the simplest thing to follow. Have you tried it as a prose poem? I tried removing the line-breaks and found I enjoyed the poem more, because I found it easier to read/parse and so could better enjoy the play of ideas.
Do you want a comma before "here redacted". Also is the tiger to made to speak French, a language it abhors, or is it made to speak some other language that it abhors in a similar way to which it abhors French? Just wondered if you wanted the latter, which you may well do, or had missed a comma.
best,
Matt
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