Quote:
Originally Posted by Carl Copeland
That would explain it. Akhmatova was actually the first Russian poet I fell in love with, long before my obsession with Pushkin, and now I’ve returned to the Acmeists. I’ve translated a few poems by Akhmatova, Mandelstam and Zenkevich, and I need to look at Gumilev, Narbut and a few others. Since you’re interested in the Russian Silver Age, you might like my only translation from Tsvetaeva: https://www.ablemuse.com/erato/showthread.php?t=35728 |
Carl, I think your translation of Tsvetaeva is lovely. I have read that poem of hers in a different translation, and yours is much better in my opinion. (Do you have plans to publish a collection of your translations of Russian poets? If you ever do, I would certainly be interested!)
Going back to Zenkevich, I meant to add earlier that I definitely do put stress on the first syllable of "baptized". I also noticed the conventionality of sirens that "wail" as opposed to the crib. "Bawl" is an improvement there, I think.
Like Matt, I'm not crazy about "with a pang" - it sounds a little too much like padding for the sake of rhyme and meter. What about "the soul's anxieties close in"? As in, the anxieties are encroaching on the soul? It's not completely literal, but it would give you a slant rhyme with "pan."