[Matt Q]

Hi James,

I like this a lot. The language is fresh and inventive throughout. There's definitely a fairy-tale vibe. A hint of a witches house and beanstalk, and a dark, somewhat ambiguous ending. The nightjar, perhaps taking the role of a witch, and the witch killed before it can enchant -- which in a fairy-tale context might make the boys heroes -- or before it can reveal the boys to themselves, so we might instead see them as the villains of the piece, and which opens the poem up to a psychological subtext.

I wondered a little a "the sunlight's stammering ladder". Now, in context I take this to be the tree, but I'm not getting a strong picture. Why is it the sunlight's ladder? Maybe the sunlight lights a path up it? Why is it stammering? Is this the light stippling through the branches, and the branches are moving? Maybe. Perhaps a touch more is needed to light the image up for me. Also, "foot it up" -- tends to suggest that they're not using their hands. Maybe something other than "footed"? "limbed"?

"each handhold (was) a collar stretched and muttered" had me confused. The boys stretch their collars with each handhold, or the handhold is a collar? They boys mutter the collar as they stretch it? The tree mutters the handhold? Also, the proximity of "collar" (neck) to the "midriff" of the tree seemed a bit odd.

Like others, I found "undercarriage" took me out of the poem's spell somewhat. Maybe because it feels like a word too often used for double-entendre. I did wonder about "teetering" for the word play on "teat", but I guess that doesn't really convey weight. But anyway, I reckon you could find something else.

best,

Matt