[Carl Copeland]

This is fun, Glen. I’ve never read Petronius, though I saw the Fellini many years ago and remember feeling like I needed a bath afterwards. A few thoughts:

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

“When I was still a slave, we were living in a narrow street.

I see no need for the continuous.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

You all had known her as Melissa of Tarentum

Again, I want a simple past. They didn’t know her as Melissa only until he fell in love with her.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

If I asked anything from her, it was never refused.

Wouldn’t “asked anything of her” or “asked her for anything” be more natural?

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

I was not ever deceived.

“Never” would be more fluent.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

Her partner passed away at the farmhouse.

“Partner” sounds like a modern euphemism for a nontraditional relationship. Also, something like “ended his days” would be more interesting and closer to the crib.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

I put together a strategy to get to her.

The crib’s “put a plan in motion” would sound more natural.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

“some complicated mess.

Verges on redundancy.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

The moon was shining like noon.

An odd condensation of “The moon was shining as brightly as the sun at noon,” but that’s apparently a nit for Petronius, not you.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

Then when I looked back at my companion, he stripped and put all of his clothing next to the road.

I want “beside the road”—not sure why.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

My heart was in my throat.

Good translation, though we should see if we can put the Latin idiom over in English!

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

Do not think that I am joking. I would not lie for any sum of money.

Here especially, but elsewhere too, I find myself wanting the conversational contractions. I don’t think that would clash with places where you seem to want more formality, but I could be wrong.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

I drew a sword and killed ghosts along the whole road

How about “all along the road.” The ghostbusting is self-ridicule, I take it.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

my spirits almost boiling away.

Not sure I understand this.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

My eyes were extinguished.

The crib’s “dead” would be clearer and more impactful.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

A wolf entered and attacked all the livestock,

“Entered” seems too dignified in English. Maybe “got in.”

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

After I came to the place where the clothing was turned to stone, I found nothing except blood.

Here’s where I want a past perfect: “had” instead of “was.” I also want “but” in place of “except,” but I’m not sure why.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

When I actually came home,

I see “actually” in the crib, but I’m not sure what it’s doing. It seems to mean “When I finally got home.”

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

I was not able to break bread with him afterwards, not even if you had killed me.

Not entirely logical, but idioms often aren’t. It’s another point I’ll have to take up with Petronius.

Hope some of this is useful.