Hi Hilary
Thanks for returning.
I like "old water." I like the simplicity of it and that sense of age, as if this water has been standing around forever.
Has a strange sense of solidity.
Hi Matt.
Seeing it laid out as one, I think I do like it better as a prose poem.
Yes. I think Jim's instinct was correct.
rereading, I can see that "old" might be doing other work, and also be a reference to what happened in the past. That the pond is stuck in the past
Not so much the past, but perhaps out of time? Somewhere in the mythologic.
It was the word "resize". I think I must have edited it in while you were in the process of replying.
Aha. Anyway, thanks for the posting pointers. Much appreciated.
Hi David.
The "old" is interesting. I didn't really notice it on first reading - lazy reading - but the more I think about it, the more charged it seems, so I like it.
Good to hear. Thanks.
Hi James.
Yes, keep "old." In addition to the other reasons given, I like how that first sentence lands on how a child might put it.
Wondered when someone would spot that.
For me, its simplicity in that sense contrasts nicely with the more ornate, poetic "grey leaf-light."
Tried to strike a balance.
It made me look at "died for want" again (thought of something like "died wanting" instead), but, nah. I don't think any changes are necessary.
Good to know, thanks.
Once again, thanks all.
RG.
|