Hi, David—
I don’t think this piece is too self-indulgent, but it is very much turned inward. The loss of a loved one is the most personal of subjects and makes the writer most vulnerable. You do a fine job of remaining controlled and composed. However, as a reader, I want a bit more in the way of images to hold onto. It seems to me that the N is focusing on the technical considerations of the music in order to avoid directly confronting his grief.
The last line is a bit set up, but I was surprised at how well it works.
One thing that struck me was that no detail of the departed loved one is shared. Could you help me to imagine her by giving a unique characteristic detail (an expression, a gesture, a garment) or two? I also wondered where the N is during the poem. Is he at her grave? The restaurant where they quietly celebrated her fiftieth birthday fifteen years ago? The house they shared?
Glenn
|