Thread: She's Gone
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Unread 12-15-2024, 07:25 PM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is offline
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I wouldn't call it self-indulgent at all. My problem, though, is that the line breaks do not seem to be pulling their weight, which for me means they are not guiding or assisting the reader in terms of pace or phrasing or visual comfort. In terms of content, I think maybe you rely a bit too much on song titles and you are counting on the reader to know and feel the same way about the songs and what they evoke as you do, and you don't tell us enough about the I/you relationship for us to really get a sense of what they mean to these particular people.
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