I just read this, Jim, but I wanted to jump right in and say that I love the first stanza—it’s among the best that I’ve read from you. Starting right from the first line—just a terrific first line, imo. I am, however, thinking that “in” the moment would be a more interesting way to end that scene. But it’s early and it’s possible that I’ll change my mind. And I might break on “faith,” with “in the moment.” beginning the second stanza. You may also want to lose, find another word for the “moment” in line 7.
But I almost want to just stay in the moment of the first stanza. I don’t think the second stanza is bad, but it seems more tacked on and, in my view, seems to strain to get to a conflict, some drama. I too often find myself doing the same thing and I feel that here. If you do keep it, I’d suggest perhaps a more interesting name for your angel? “My Guardian Angel” is about as generic as you can get. Isn’t that what many/most Christians call it anyway? How about Brian? Haha. Seriously, though, I’d do something more interesting with that. Anyway, the first stanza is well worth the price of admission as they say. Love it.
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