The way this paces the sundown is nearly perfect. That’s the rhythm of syntax I admire most. When the poem and the rhythm of the theme are one or almost one. That is our life in the crowded world and you’ve found it in the natural.
My one little limp is “whose green gown grays.” The poem demonstrates how easily alliteration comes to you and removing one “g” would be you playing against that. I’d prefer “whose green robe grays.”
This is a really strong one. It’s good to see you post it.
John
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