[Rick Mullin]

Hi Mary,

Like Susan, I was tripped up in line two, which seems to say, as you have it, that N grew the tune that grew her. But it seems more natural to read it as two statement with the period instead of the comma.

Line four is also readable in two ways--"it wasn't pretty. It was rooted in a moan" or "it wasn't something pretty that is rooted in a moan"

In general, the opening four lines are super-familiar to me as a reader of your poetry, and come across as treading water for you. A better opening quatrain may serve to pull the poem, which has two abrupt shifts (line five and the closing couplet), together. Abrupt shifts are cool generally, but I don't feel the poem coming together very smoothly right now. I really love the closing couplet, and I think the eight lines between the opening quatrain and the couplet are very good. You need something, I think, and it can likely be achieved with a rewrite of that quatrain.

Rick