I am reading line 2 as meaning "I grew - on my own/by myself - the tune that made me grow." Changing the punctuation would change the meaning pretty drastically, I think. That said, I am a bit confused as to what the tune is and whether there is more than one. Is the tune a poetic voice haunted by that tendency towards suicide? Or is the tune something opposed to suicide, which the N had to grow all on her own because she didn't find it in the canon? Perhaps both tunes are present. I'm not sure.
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