Hi, Jim—
Very impressive and well-crafted story. I especially like the way you use your detached, third-person narration limited to the boy’s thoughts. You identify the girl as your “true protagonist,” meaning, I suppose, that she represents the values promoted by the story, but the way you reveal the layers of the unnamed boy was mesmerizing. His actions were monstrous, and his lack of remorse is shocking until the reader understands that his society has warped him and stolen his humanity. The restrained, almost matter-of-fact tone effectively underscores the boy’s conditioned lack of compassion.
Equally effective is the narrator’s careful, anthropological focus on the behavior of the children during the horrific scene.
I suspect that you intended the title to be misleading. It seems to promise a romance and delivers something completely different. Richard’s suggestion of “Selling Fish” might be a good title, or perhaps “Settling Scores.”
Fine work!
Glenn
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