Hi Nick,
I like this a lot. The lack of punctuation--mostly periods at the end of what seem complete sentences, as there are commas--doesn't impede the flow. In fact, it enhances the flow of images, which is pretty much the engine of the poem.
I like the burning lawn line as well. And the shovel twisting in the winter thaw especially
One minor hitch is "they'll", S2L2, which refers to the children. The subject of the "sentence" is the maple tree. This hitch is more pronounced because of the stanza break, I think. But it's not a big problem given the flow thing going on.
Rick
|