Hi Joe,
It's very simple, and doesn't have anything profound to say, but that's just fine. Even well-worn subjects are worth revisiting when we can get our own personal experience across. I think you've done that relatively well here.
It's a fairly long poem, but not necessarily too long. It's the kind of poem that feels like it should be around 40-50 lines anyway. I have suggested some lines for deletion but not necessarily because of the length of the poem, more because the lines/ideas didn't serve the poem well, in my opinion.
I've added some comments below. Feel free to get back with any questions.
All the best,
Trevor
Skyfall [decent title, though a better one might present itself sometime in the future]
There was always, of course, the cold. [I like this first line, especially the syntax and rhythm]
Its freezing[comma] pretty fingerprints on our side of the pane.
While we lay loved beneath the loaded blankets, [maybe something more arresting then "lay loved", such as "baked"?]
the new day sparkled through that filigree [nice image, though I want a bit more: "filigree of ice"?]
and mum stretched vests before the 2 bar Belling fire. [Remove "Belling" for rhythm reasons?]
[Remove stanza break]
Her kitchen kept a thick volcano [of...chicken soup?]
blurting in the pan.
Golden Syrup lingered on our spoons. [bold = delete]
In mitts and knitted balaclavas,
in Cherry Blossomed shoes,
we scuffed our way to school, [place this line first in the stanza?]
cracking open puddles [with] vandal glee
to make them creak and splinter.
And on playtime's frosted tarmac[, we discovered,]
smoothed the longest slide there ever was. [or glazed the world to one long slide?]
All afternoon, the brooding, building cloud
hung [its] hammock ever lower overhead,
until it split and spilled
Chicken Licken’s awful prophecy.
We watched and wondered
what it meant.
Who brought about this accident?
What altar boy had tripped
and tipped communion wafers?
Which flower girl had thrown up
way too much confetti?
Someone had to be in trouble. [I just found the imagery too contrived and unnecessary here]
[remove stanza break if you choose to place the below after the hammock line, as I've suggested]
We watched,
and were allowed to watch,
first pressed against the glass,
then rushing openhanded
through the door, [could you add an adjective before door?]
stretching out our tongues
to taste the gentle icy [how about one line: "to taste the icy brightness dropping"?]
brightnesses, dropping
as they wanted
to the floor.
It snowed and snowed until we went to bed. [Snowed and snowed feels lazy to me. Even something like snowed like confetti would be better, I think, though there might well be something better than that]
The street was amber underneath the lamps.
When morning woke, the light had never been
so full of empty promise, [I would place this line at the end of the previous line. Apart from just feeling more natural that way, it would accentuate the and simplicity of the last line]
so magnificently blank.
[I think your ending is very good, but you could have an extra payoff with the blankness if you mention early in the poem that their lives are complicated in some way, maybe the social complications of growing up?]
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