David, I like this poem. It has your usual intelligence and strong imagery. However, and again this may be my aesthetic, I would probably like it more if "heavenly throng" created by the security lights and constellations becoming "congregations" weren't so baldly stated. Telling us it is a "congregation" and "heavenly throng" disappoints me a little. I suppose that can be perceived as the classic show, don't tell, but for me, it is imagine, don't tell. Regardless, overall I like the poem.
Hope this helps.
|