Hi Susan,
Some nice stuff here. A few parts felt a bit overly ornate to me, striving too hard to be poetic. The rhymes generally worked well for me, and didn't feel forced, which is a bit of an achievement when you have so many rhymes to satisfy.
I felt the first four lines were too concerned with setting the scene in a way that was relatively bland compared to the rest of the poem. Is there anything else you could put there? And/Or maybe start with lines 4-8 instead?
"Flutter the tablecloths and vibrant vases" would certainly be a more arresting and interesting opening (with flutter being used as a command here).
Anyway, some specific comments below. Hope it's of some help.
All the best,
Trevor
Day of the Dead [This title doesn't fit with the poem for me. How about just "Picnic"?]
As if the day had taken on her calm
and warmth, a sky serene and blue extends ["serene" is too obviously poetic, I think]
above the blazing maples. While her friends [The idea of blazing maples feels too familiar; I feel like it's been done loads of times before. Can you come up with a more original image?]
and family gather, breezes soft as balm [again, this feels too poetic in a forced or overly familiar way]
flutter the tablecloths and vibrant vases
of cannas and zinnias. How can we remember,
given our lively chat and smiling faces,
we're picnicking in volatile November? [I like this idea, and especially the choice of the word "volatile" as an adjective for November]
Above the tableful of photos flies
a vee of geese, still low, in close formation, [Maybe V, not vee? I was confused at first]
honking in concord as they carry on [I love honking. Simple but perfect]
their sociable, long-distance conversation. [Too many adjectives here. Trying too hard, it feels to me. Sociable seems redundant, and long-distance is already implied, so is anything else you could use?]
We pause to watch them as they slowly rise
and fade until, like Mother, they are gone. [I imagine the connection of this scene with your loss is integral to the poem for you, but as a reader, it felt like an unconnected development at the end. I think if you want to include this idea, it needs to be foreshadowed with an earlier mention of the mother or grief or loss, although I think it would work best to simply focus on the geese or the picnic]
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